What first thought comes to mind when you think of Mother’s Day or Father’s Day? Is it a special day when we take time to celebrate ourselves as parents to our children, or is it something much more? It wasn’t until a recent comment our son, Tyler, made to me the other day about his desire to help coach kids in his spare time that I realized these special days aren’t meant to recognize us as parents to our children.
Tyler’s words resonated with me as I looked back at all the teams I coached and my interaction with his teammates. Many of his teams in those early years were young boys first getting acquainted with a sport; others had rosters consisting of both boys and girls. I shared with them my feelings that playing a sport was more than a game and that it provided so many lessons that would benefit them throughout life. They would learn how to compete individually and as a team member and how those lessons learned could transfer to their academic and career goals of accomplishment. It was also a life lesson for me, as some of the children I coached didn’t come from the stable family environment in which I grew up. For some, this was their only outlet of enjoyment away from the trials of home. Others were only playing to please a parent who wanted to relive their playing days where their memories of their athletic prowess may have convinced them they were much more talented than they were. I vividly recall one young boy who couldn’t make any baseball practices because he came from a single-parent home, and his mother had to work two jobs to make ends meet. On the day of our baseball game, I had him in the lineup, and his teammates couldn’t understand why I would allow him to play at a critical point when he didn’t come to practice. I shared with them that not everyone was as fortunate as them, and there may be a time in their lives when they, too, may not be qualified to make the team or get the job they wanted, but they did because someone was willing to give them a chance.
One experience I still hold dear to this day was of a young elementary school boy who had a daily history of getting into schoolyard fights and disrupting his classmates. My major was Psychology, and one of my Behavioral Psychology course requirements was to mentor a child outside of our college campus setting. Visiting my old elementary school, the principal told me they had a child who was not responding to his teachers and was rebellious at home. My first meeting with “Bobby” was as advertised as he proudly talked about his fights on the school grounds and showed little interest in anything else. Through our interactions, I found that Bobby couldn’t read, at least not very well, and it wasn’t until I taught him how to read that I realized that his aggression was compensated for his academic lack of confidence. Soon, he brought me books he was reading and would proudly tell me he was no longer fighting. He even broke up a couple of fights. I couldn’t have been more proud of him.
Some measure success in the goals they achieve for themselves or the financial status they have gained, but as I’ve grown older, the most significant rewards are not the things we necessarily do for ourselves but what we do that inspires others. To me, Mother’s Day or Father’s Day is as much for foster parents as it is for those willing to unselfishly give of themselves to mentor others, making them every bit fitting to be considered surrogate “Mothers” or “Fathers.”
The magical memories I had in coaching our son and his teammates will last me a lifetime, but it wasn’t until Tyler expressed his desire to help others through coaching and mentoring that I felt I succeeded as a dad.
-Gary Cardillo
D.Z. Stone, known as “Donna” to her classmates and close friends, grew up surrounded by her father’s “Polish Catholic” family, in a primarily Polish and Portuguese immigrant section of Mineola, Long Island, New York. Her early life is as interesting as the twists and turns in her novels. Growing up above her father’s bar, she met all kinds of people, from World War II veterans to the Polish and Portuguese people of the neighborhood; experiencing their cultural differences. Being of part-Jewish descent, Donna was more attuned to the inherent cultural bigotries than most of us kids during that time. As a teenager, Donna recalled how she first became aware of anti-Semitism when it was discovered that a Latvian war criminal by the name of Boleslavs Maikovskis had been living only blocks away from her family and whose home she passed on her way to church, the same church he attended every day. Donna said she knew his wife, a “regular” at her Grandmother’s weekly ladies’ Pokeno game. When it came out, he was a senior police officer in Latvia who ordered the mass execution of Jews, some of his neighbors felt the war was long over and were willing to move on and “let the old man alone.” Donna was shocked that people were willing to give him a “pass” even before they knew the details of the charges against him.
No Past Tense: Love and Survival in the Shadow of the Holocaust is the intriguing story of the lives of William and Katarina Salcer, or as the reader will come to know them, Willi and Kati. Never intended to be a published biography, it was at their son Ron’s request to know the entire story of their lives, which had been too painful for them to share. Now, in the twilight years of their lives, Willi and Kati agreed to share their entire story; otherwise, as Kati said, “What’s the point?”
D.Z. Stone and No Past Tense were recently featured in an LA Times article on the Salcers’ son Ron by the sportswriter Helene Elliot. Entitled “The most meaningful deal he ever negotiated. Hockey agent turned his parents’ experiences into a book, possibly movie too.” The article also features Dr. Holli Levitsky who teaches “No Past Tense” at Loyola Marymount University. Levitsky calls the book timeless on many levels, including learning about anti-Semitism, which can help students process and better understand current world events.
As we gather around the table this Thanksgiving, my heart swells with gratitude for each precious soul sharing this moment with me. In a world filled with uncertainty and rapid change, the simple act of coming together to celebrate gratitude takes on profound significance.
While most people would like to talk about themselves, Gary and Gail have always put their clients first, and their diverse backgrounds have provided their clients an unparalleled level of service and knowledge throughout the past years.